Archive for the ‘Significant Other’ Category

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Should I Get Married/Remarried?

September 15, 2011

By the time most women have hit midlife they have experienced one or more of the following relationship status’: single/never married, married, single/divorced, single/widowed, or any form of “single-dom”/dating.  I land in the single/never married/dating.  I am currently engaged to be married.  I am a single parent of 7-year-old girl and he is the divorced father of 11, 13 and 15 boys.  This is my second time being engaged.  I ended the last engagement after seven years of dating of which 3 were spent engaged.  My Significant Other (SO) dated his ex-wife for 7 years and their marriage lasted for 5 years.  As I contemplate marriage for the first time, I am of the mindset that my marriage will not become a divorce statistic (but isn’t that what we would all like to believe—we are SPECIAL!)  However, the reality of it is that more times than not; our marriages are not SPECIAL and WILL become a divorce statistic.  So when making this decision ponder the following:

  • Are you rushing into marriage/remarriage to avoid solitude?
  • Have you discussed your future marriage with your children and really taken their feelings into consideration (in order to alleviate any contempt or resentment from the children or your SO)
  • Are you and your SO on the same page when it comes to dealing with ex’s so as not to create tension or stress in your marriage (more specifically when it comes to child support and visitation)?
  • Have both of you taken time to analyze why your last relationships failed and identified what you need to do in this marriage to make it a success?
  • Are you both committed to being a different/better version of yourself in this marriage for the sake of the marriage?
  • Are you both committed to actively working out marital differences in order to preserve the peace and happiness of the marriage?

There are so many other questions that you should ask yourself, but if you are unsure of these basic ideas in respect to your relationship, maybe you are not ready to make the leap until you are sure you know what you are getting into!  We are in MIDLIFE…this may be your only & last opportunity to marry, so make sure you make a well-informed life decision.  The SO and I have opted to participate in pre-marital counseling with a church minister and it has been the most enlightening and enriching experience for both of us.  It has really forced us to LISTEN to the other person and commit to working on weak areas in our relationship.  At the end of the day, when you all are sitting in your rocking chairs on the porch watching the sunset, you want to do this with someone you not only love but truly LIKE!

SO & Dee on a date night!

If you have been married for 10+ years, what advice would you give us newbies/re-do-bies on marriage and how to make it work….please post your thoughts!